(sorry folks... this is a week late. I just found it in my "drafts" folder)
So, Carol Hay’s friends ask her how she comes up with her topics. I ask “why does she bother?”
In spite of the fact that this homemaker/horrible writer can’t ever seem to get to the heart of the matter she continues to miss the point entirely. Apparently, according to last week's "For what it's worthless" column recently someone has R-U-N-N-O-F-T with Carol’s rubbish bin which begs the question: where on earth is she going to put her column?
But according to Carol this act of petty theft is equatable to the rampant financial crime taking place in Cayman and apparently Carol is not the least bit interested – her words – that “white collar” crime is thriving in Cayman to the tune of billions of dollars annually, that we know about.
Recent statistics show that a significant percentage of Cayman businesses fall victim to some sort of white collar or financial crime each year; although no report has been released on how many businesses lose trash receptacles. It costs local companies millions and millions of dollars annually. Directly and indirectly it effects as all.
So what - Carol's garbage bin was stolen.
The subject of financial crime doesn’t interest Carol because she doesn’t “think like a criminal nor (does she) manage anyone’s multi-billion dollar portfolio.” I wasn’t aware that one had to think like a criminal or manage a financial portfolio to be concerned with a criminal phenomenon that affects the Cayman Islands to the tune of tens – if not hundreds – of millions of dollar each year.
I had a number of friends who worked for Enron; so financial crime interests me - because it could happen to me. And the effects of it are far more potentially catastrophic than waking up to a missing piece of plastic.
Carol's faulty logic never ceases to amaze or entertain. According to her logic, I don’t have a wife so spousal abuse doesn’t interest me (although with my ex I certainly understand it…kidding), I don’t have kids so pedophilia and child abuse doesn’t interest me. I don’t own a gun, so gun violence doesn’t interest me. I don’t have a womb, so abortion doesn’t interest me…
She then follows that up by saying that financial crime “concerns” her – it just doesn’t interest her. Which had me thinking... "Huh?" But you know what - who really cares about any of that? Again, someone stole Carol’s garbage can.
From a practical standpoint this apron-wearing, cookie-baking, weekly, wanna-be-a-journalist has a gripe. Someone stole her garbage bin. Who cares if financial criminals bilked Cayman for a billion dollars through counterfeiting, money-laundering and other types of corporate fraud that ends up costing everyone here more than the cost of a garbage can? Carol’s garbage can is missing.
Let's look at this from another angle: Perhaps if financial crime didn’t have such a negative impact on our local economy, the local t’ief would have enough money to be able to afford to buy his own trash can. However, I commend the t’ief for taking a garbage can as that implies he’s actually going to use it – which is more than I can say for the lazy local environmental criminals who contribute to the islands disgusting litter problem. I digress…
Carol claims that, “the person who steals a gazillion dollars…is no more a thief than the persons who decided they wanted my rubbish bin.”
So now, to go along with “Bong-O-Metrics” we have the “Garbage Can Theft / Financial Crime Law of Direct Correlation.” The theft of garbage cans is now a barometer of financial crime. Now all we have to do is arrive at a benchmark of how many millions of dollars is represented by the theft of each garbage bin. Thanks Carol… I’m sure local crime fighters and statisticians will be forever in your debt.
Actually, Carol, to steal “a gazillion dollars” it takes cunning, intelligence, conniving, and a complete and total awareness that what you are doing is 100% wrong and will invariably financially hurt or ruin the victim or victims. It is cold, ruthless, calculated and devious (a la Enron). To steal a garbage can all it takes is a garbage can and an opportunity.
Financial criminals don’t steal garbage cans and garbage can thieves don’t steal billions of dollars and negatively impact the financial frontier of a society.
Just my opinion, but petty theft is NOT the same as major financial crime. It would be like equating a kid using a firecracker to blow up a doll with the assholes who blew up the busses in London or the World Trade Center in New York - in which case the RCIP better figure out who I am - and quick!
Scale and context is important. If everyone in Cayman – 50,000 people – each had their $20 garbage bins stolen, that would total $1,000,000 dollars. If the Financial Crimes Unit could REDUCE financial crime to $1,000,000 per year then I think they could claim an overwhelming success over financial crime.
I think the RCIP and the FCU should be commended on continuing to try to crack-down on a global problem that is focused locally in the fifth leading financial center in the world, thereby affecting more people than just the residents of these tiny islands - and those who have fallen victim to this dastardly phenomenon of garbage can theft.
If Carol has a problem with her garbage cans, perhaps she should lock them up.
To the garbage can thief I say this: next time, can you PLEASE steal Carol’s computer?! Although, I do see the t’ief’s point of view. Carol’s garbage can is much more valuable and useful than her computer.
