As I continue my around-the-world odyssey I find myself with bits and pieces of downtime which gives me time to think and to reflect.
My most recent (yet hardly relevant) moment of clarity happened in an airport when it struck me that – in spite of my open mind and flexibility – I am in quite a few facets of my life, in fact, an “-ist.” That’s right – I am an “-ist.”
Websters defines “-ist” as a noun - a suffix denoting an agent, or doer, one who practices, a believer in.
I contemplated my “ist-ness” one day over free beers in the Admirals Club in Paris whilst awaiting my flight back to this side of the world. Here are a few I came up with.
I’m a male-ist. Not a chauvinist, but a male-ist. I believe that males have been and continue to be the most vital aspect and most influential gender of all human history. Males have been responsible for the lion share of invention and technological advances that we enjoy today.
Males are also responsible for more violence and most of the wars throughout history; which means males also are responsible for the peace treaties as well (yea males!).
I have nothing against womenists – in fact to a certain degree I am one. I love women. Which brings me to my next point.
I’m a sexist. I love sex. Let me clarify… I’m a heterosexualist.
I think heterosexuality is the best of all sexual orientations and I love it. If you are a homosexualist then you feel the same about your orientation as I do about mine The only difference? Heteros don’t wave a flag – which, actually, I think is pretty gay.
And homosexualists, your feelings are no more or less valid than mine; notwithstanding any religious argument which I am certainly not going make here even though you are all going to burn in hell.
Which reminds me – I’m a satirist and a smart-assist.
Unlike some of our esteemed leaders here in Cayman, I’m an educationalist – in belief and in practice. I’m also a get-things-done-ist.
In spite of overwhelming anti-American sentiment, I am an Americanist and feel that the current situation in the Middle East overshadows all the good that continually comes as the result of her place in this crazy world.
I’m also a Caymanist (which some would say flies in the face of being an educationist, but I’ve found the right balance of both. I refer, again, back to “smart-assist). I think the people in Cayman (most of them anyway) are fine people and these islands are a wonderful place to be. If I wasn't such a travelist I would be here enjoying them more.
I’m a dolphinist, and I believe that swimming with dolphins in captivity is really cool. (I just can’t leave it alone…)
I'm a private-ist and an anonymousist - some of you call me a cowardist, but those are usually the dumbists who send me poorly crafted and anonymous death threat emails, which means they are asshole-ists.
I’m a Godist. I’m a peace-ist. I’m a free speechist. I’m a life-ist. And I’m a racist.
That’s right – I’m a racist; as everyone should be. A human racist.
And I truly believe that the human race, with dominion over all things created by God, can achieve greatness in spite of our inherent vice and in spite of the fact that we are either alike-ists or individualists. Maybe if we weren’t all hypersensitive seriousists we could see this.
My one wish is that at some point we can all arrive at a place in our lives where we can be happyists – because I think a world full of happyists would be the bestest.