Following on the heels of Madonna’s adoption of a little Malawian boy, eccentric actress Renee Zellwegger has announced her intentions to adopt a Caymanian.
Zellwegger told Hollywood reporters that in spite of the fact that she’s a flighty and nutty chick who is a good actress but exercises really poor judgment by marrying runty country singers, she wants to adopt a “little coloured kid.”
“I just think it would be so neat to be like Madonna and have a little coloured kid,” Zellwegger said. “All the kids at school would be really jealous that this little colored kid from the third world country of Cayman has this really hot Hollywood actress mom.”
Madonna’s hasty adoption of a black kid from Malawi begged the question, “Are black people still for sale in this day and age?” To which Madonna’s publicist replied, “Everyone has a price.” Oprah Winfrey could not be reached for comment as she was lunching with Maya Angelou and Jesse Jackson at Tavern On The Green.
Local officials from the Cayman Adoption Services Home said that to date, Zellwegger had not contacted them regarding the adoption, but they had quite a few coloured kids in their inventory that they were looking to rotate out of their stock.
“We’ve got some 2006 models that we’d like to get rid of so we can make way for the ‘07s,” said CASH director Fiona Wallaby. “We’ve got standard adoption procedures that we like to follow, but we’re willing to deal in order to facilitate Ms. Zellwegger’s desire to export a unique piece of Caymanian culture.”
Under current United States and EU tax laws, the purchase price of a black person is not subject to luxury tax or VAT.
Ms. Wallaby went on to say that if Ms. Zellwegger wasn’t interested in a small child, she still had options.
“Should Ms. Zellwegger be in the market for something a bit more ‘mature’, we have several members of the legislative assembly who are for sale,” Wallaby said. “We’re very proud of our placement record, and just a couple of years ago, or so, local developer Michael Ryan adopted then leader of government business McKeeva Bush for about $350,000. It was our highest profile case to date.”
Although Mr. Ryan could not be reached for comment, Cayblogger heard from unofficial sources that his adoption of McKeewa is working out quite well, as McKeewa is now able to read and write his own name without others doing it for him.
No word on when Ms. Zellwegger will visit Cayman to check out the stock of little coloured kids but word of her impending shopping visit has sent West Bay teenagers into a breeding frenzy. 
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