United States President George "Dubya" Bush sent a heart-felt “thank you” and a lovely gift basket from Hickory Farms to Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen for shifting Muslim hatred away from the US.
Muslims throughout the Middle East united in protest against Danish embassies after a caricature of Muhammed was published in the Jyllands Posten newspaper in Syria. Several embassies have been torched and Muslims continue to burn Danish flags in protest – this to the great relief of President Bush.
“Now I don’t want any Danishers or Muslimists to misunderinterperet what I’m about to say,” Bush said, “so I will be clear. The US is determinatedly devoted to the peaceful resolutionism of this horacious religious injustification. Until then, we are solidifiedly behind our position that we feel it’s about time that those pesky Danists learn what it’s like to feel the wrath of the Muslim faith.”
Bush admitted that caricatures are wrong if depicting religious icons and said if that happens then the publishers of the socially insensitive item must prepare themselves for the consequences.
“What the Danites did by depicitating the holy image of Muhammed is 100% incorrective,” Bush said. “I mean, I met Muhammed Ali one time and he’s a big ol’ boy, and if I made fun of him, I would expect him to whoop my ass. If the Daners make fun of Muhammed, they have to expect to get the stuffin’ kicked out of them.”
Bush dispelled rumours that US troops have been deployed to quell uprisings at Danish embassies, but did offer to give Prime Minister Rasmussen tips on how to deal with the press as the current most hated man in the Muslim world. Regardless of what happens, Bush said he’ll enjoy the number two slot for as long as possible.
“I’m as happy as pig in poo,” Bush said. “I might actually get a full night’s sleep knowing that for at least a couple of days the Muslims want to Jihad the crap out of someone other than myself.”
Danish representatives were unavailable for comment as they were all too busy packing their bags and purchasing plane tickets to Canada.