In a Cayblogger exclusive, a local teen explains the real reasons behind the recent break-up of United States cycling icon Lance Armstrong and rock-and-roll hottie Sheryl Crow.
According to a local unemployed busboy named “Silky Smooth Bam-Bam”, the reason why Armstrong broke off the engagement was simple – he nailed Crow.
“Yeah, boy. I gots all up in her face like dis goin’ ‘Yo Crow, ‘sup?’ and she was like ‘daaaaaaamn booooyeeee, you da shizzle!’ and das when I knows it was time ta get frizzle in her va-gizzle,” said Silky Smooth Bam-Bam.
According to Silky Smooth, the two had, “wacky sizzle on the bizzle” where Bam-Bam “pizzled her bizzle tizzle the sizzle come izzle.”
Crow and Armstrong announced their engagement in late-2005; and while on the Island for the Ritz Carlton Grand Cayman’s opening gala this past January, Crow said she and Armstrong were planning a late-Spring wedding. Now those plans have changed.
A publicist for Crow had no comment, while Armstrong’s PR office issued a brief statement: "We wish Ms. Crow the best of luck with that little beeeyotch she met in Cayman."
Silky Smooth isn’t sure what, if any, future he has with Crow but said to date she still hasn’t called him back. “I mean, it’s like dis – I give her my di-gizzle and aks her to call me, ya know. I gots me $200 in pre-paid mizzle to make her phizzle buzzle, so I’m ready when she is,” he said.
Although Silky Smooth comes off as being genuine, Cayblogger thinks he’s full of horse manizzle.